F A I T H F U L

We have started a sermon series at Church on Prayer....and I think it's going to be awesome. Correction. It. Already. Is.

I have a big time confession to make. For so many years, I tied God's faithfulness to how the laundry lists of prayer needs for friends and family were answered. Terrible, I know. I am so thankful that yet again, God didn't send down His wrath, but His mercy and conviction.

I've even blogged about what I believed about a God that didn't answer prayers. Could I believe in that God?

Well, friends. Yes. I do believe. Because, I believe that all of these years, I've approached prayer in the WRONG way. Praying is more about the condition of my heart than getting the specific item I am praying for. How different would my life be, if I allowed the Holy Spirit inside me to intercede on my behalf and direct the desires in my heart? He knows what the will of God is. My goal should be to no longer get God's will to line with my desires. But, for my desires to line up with the will of God.

I am still processing Romans 8:26-30..which I have read so many times...but, never quite heard before.

Cha...Cha...Changes

Change is inevitable and most of the time I can find my way through it...but, sometimes so much change happens at one time that I want to crawl in the fetal position, suck my thumb and rock myself to sleep.

2010 was a year of change for me. So many friends left to persue great opportunities and so many rolls were redefined in my life...that, well....I went into overload. "Initiate shut-down sequence" ... 5...4....3....2....1. And so it went for the last few months.

But, with the new year comes new hope and clearer realizations. Just as after a rainy day or week, the sunshine looks gorgeous...so does my God look GORGEOUS to me. He NEVER let go of me. In fact, this last December, He and I spent a fantastic weekend in Birmingham together. It totally rocked my heart to the core. He's so good.

One of the biggest moments was when I realized that (brace yourself) I didn't trust God. Didn't trust that He had my best interests at heart, didn't trust that He would be my Protector. He's talked to me about this for awhile now. And I halfway listened. You know how it is, you hear God and you run to the alter....give it over again .. and truely give most of it. But I thought I could retain 5%....???? ;-)

While worshiping at this retreat, God told me He wanted my heart. All of it. Every dream, disappointment, fear, failure, scratch, bump, every success I created, every worry, every hurt I given out or received. He wanted it all. He wanted to my innermost thoughts. He wanted intimacy. He wanted me to trust Him. He. wanted. ME.

First thing...Let's think about this....the MAKER of the UNIVERSE wants ME. Seriously? I caught myself quickly scanning my heart and judging it unworthy (...as if I could EVER do ANYTHING to be worthy of HIS love and affection)...

Secondly, I've always seen God as my Savior...but, not so much as my protector. Let's face it, I made a decision that I had to protect my heart myself and that I couldn't really rely on anyone else. Unfortunately, I let some deep wounds and lies from Hell convince me that God didn't really "have my back". (note to self....hey Susanna- ever heard of JESUS? I am pretty sure he has your back!)

Ever so gently, He broke me. Ever so graciously, He corrected my false doctrine.

So, sobbing and all...I saw myself hand over my beating heart over to God. He's got my back, my sides and my front.

The Irony ... He's always had them. I am just late to the dance.

Misconception

I used to think life was measured in goals accomplished (shocking, I know). Things checked off my unrealistic 'to do' list. Only in the 6 months or so, have I finally begun to realize that life is the journey. I believe we are created to have dreams and plans. But, our life doesn't begin or shouldn't be defined by what dreams or plans we accomplish. Rather, life is a process, a journey, a marathon. To be lived every day. Every minute. Every second.

The value of my life is more than the sum of the accomplishments (regardless of the arena). It's in the quiet moments that I see a glimpse of my heart finally getting it.

I doubt I will realize all of my dreams. And in this moment, I am ok with it.

Perfect Peace

Perfect Peace

Laura Story



Stay close by my side

Keep your eyes on me

Though this life is hard

I will give you perfect peace



In this time of trial

Pain that no one sees

Trust me when I say

I will give you perfect peace



And you'll never walk alone

And you'll never be in need

Though I may not calm the storms around you

You can hide in me

Burdens that you bear

Offer no relief

Let me bear your load

Cause I will give you perfect peace



Stay close by my side

And you'll never walk alone

Keep your eyes on me

And you will never be in need

Though this life is hard

Know that I will always give you perfect peace

I will give you perfect peace




I don't know about you, but I pray for all my friends (and myself) that 2011 be the year of HIS perfect peace in our lives.